I went to a favorite Chinese- Filipino store in Bloomfield. I was hovering around the store. Then, while I check out to the register, I saw.. him.
Our eyes met. I looked at him hard. So hard, so that my brain can remember him. He looked at me.
My long time crush, my supposed guy of my dreams. Him. He was the reason why I hated filipino guys. He was the reason why I will never be with one. Yet for some odd reason, I realized I had placed him in the back of my mind and a small old section where cobwebs and dark holes exists in my heart. I never knew I would love/hate the guy in an unrequited manner. He doesn't even know it nor see that I existed.
Wait a second, I think he did. He went to class with me in hs, accounting actually. I remember his birthday, his full name and sadly, he sat in the back with me.
He didn't changed. He looked amazing. He's still tall, dark, handsome.Yes- he's actually the only filipino guy I had ever laid my eyes on and actually loved from afar. He's soo... UGH I just wish I could have said something. I just wish I knew the real truth behind him.
The stories about him. He supposedly to love white girls only, hating filipino girls. He was supposedly known to be gay too. Or so I've heard. Stories about him, hindered me to pursue him.
Sadly, I never did utter or exchanged words w. him. in fact, every three years I see him at some store. It's been three years and I haven't had a clue on how to approach him... it's sad. He's the only guy that could bring the little girl in me without saying a tiny phrase.
I can't believe I still have a crush on him. I still can't believe he can rush a mix of feelings back to my heart that way. I just get emotional, and man- it really gets me. His mysterious air just enchants me.
I know, it's pathetic. I've actually met guys 10x good looking after him. But, something about him makes me want to just.. melt.
So I turned around, spoke to my mom and my sister in tagalog and kapampangan.
My sister whispered, it's "W isn't it?" My mom turned around, and did her usual talk.
I didn't release a sound, turned cold and walked away from the register. I saw him leave; I hope that I will never see him again.
The Wistful Mistress in me- long ago knew that I will never be with him. Sounding so cowardly, so sadly, to wish to somehow be with him- is impossible. So I decided to open my heart to someone else, I promised to secretly love him in the way I do, so he can be somehow be a part of me.Maybe in another lifetime, I will see him.
Comments (3)
thanks for your comment. i don't know if choosing to not know is being naive or giving up.